Life transitions are funny, you know they are coming but you have no idea what to expect. I definitely went through emo teen years, a quarter life crisis, a 30 before 30 phase. But now, in my early 30’s, with my solid career, loving marriage, home ownership, healthy diet/exercise routine, and all of the other stable things that make me boring and bored, I find myself wanting something more meaningful from life.
As I am prone to do, the second I realized this I started doing mental gymnastics over what could fill the void. A new pet, a vacation home, a kid, a second job, writing a book, going back to school, etc. All valid things. None of which I really want. But thinking them all up felt so productive! So indomitable! So important!
We, the collective we, are so busy planning The Next Thing that we barely sit long enough with Right Now. Something felt so wrong to me about not knowing what to do next. I couldn’t sit with Nothing as the answer. Not even for like 10 seconds.
Why can’t we just feel uncomfortable?! Why is it so hard? Why can’t I embrace this feeling instead of automatically trying to fix it?
I’ve decided that, for me, for now, there are no decisions to make. Life is good. I am happy. I’d like to fill my life with more meaning but for now I’m going to be ok with the fact that what’s next is unknown to me. Maybe I’ll start a new endeavor, pick up a new hobby, find my passion, or a new calling. I hope I do. But that’s where I’m choosing to begin. With the unknown, the unplanned, the uncommitted, without guilt or dread, without solutions or deadlines. I’m no longer sacrificing the present for the future. I’m beginning with nothing and that sounds great.