My only resolution for 2013 has been to Take Care Of Me. To me, Take Care Of Me is a life philosophy: when I’m happy, I’m my best self. It’s that simple. January was great, I hit some road blocks in February, had both an injury and progress in March, kept it status quo in April, had an adventurous May, kickstarted my routine in June, kept the momentum going in July, remarked on the unremarkable in August, blurred through September, and celebrated my birthday all month long in October. Let’s see how November went!
I started November with the same thoughts I have ever year at this time: my birthday is over, the holidays are coming, I need more time/money/energy/sleep/hours in the day/daylight in general, what will I make for Thanksgiving, what gifts will I buy for Christmas, how am I going to avoid eating junk for two straight months, when will the festivities be with my family/in-laws, my house is a mess, I’m slammed at work, I don’t have time for crafting, I’m completely uninspired food-wise, we haven’t had a date night in weeks, the year is almost over and I’m not sure I accomplished everything I wanted to, etc. etc. etc. until it all becomes unbearably overwhelming. That negative spiral makes me feel like I can only ever keep a few life balls successfully up in the air (between work, friends, marriage, family, home, hobbies, health, finances, blogging, mental health, etc) but never everything at once.
Most of all though there is one thing that has been bothering me: my weight. As always. Real talk: I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. And I’m still going to the gym five our of seven days of the week. So it’s all food, I know it. I’m super discouraged and know I’m the only one to blame. This doesn’t feel like Taking Care of Me at all. I think back to 2006/2007 when I was hot off of 70 lbs. of weight loss. I’ve been going it over and over it my head – what motivated me then? how did I do it? how can I get that back? But then it hit me. I was at a completely different place in my life back then. I was a completely different person. I couldn’t recreate those circumstances now even if I wanted to. So I need to find a new plan, a brand new way to figure this out. It’s not going to be easy but I’m committed to solutions.
This time of year is crazy. I know I need to go easy on myself and knock it off with the restless monkey mind stuff. I need to focus on the positive things, things I’m proud of – and there are many right now (work, finances, Christmas shopping, blogging)! Mostly though I am just going to practice being present in December and not let things I find daunting to completely discourage or derail me.