I got a fabulous haircut while we were in Vegas for John’s birthday. I felt awesome about it for about a week and then started to feel bad about it. Not because they messed up the cut or because it was impossible to style; but because there was still just so much of it.
The past two months have been an exercise in shedding a former version of myself. That sad, defeated version of me that had been darkening my doorways for too long. But lately there have been changes: I got a great new job, I’ve started working out/running again almost every day, my mood and energy have lifted for the first time in 8 long months. However, something still felt like it was weighing me down and I knew what it was: my appearance. I know I have weight to lose but there was something else. Looking at my dried out, ratty long hair every day I would ask myself “What are you covering up?” and “Do you really think you can hide behind all that forever?”.
So over the weekend I made an early appointment for a hair cut, sat down in the chair, and told the stylist to chop off 6 inches without hesitation. “Are you sure?” she asked. “Yes. Absolutely.”
Hiding is easy. Being low is easy. Not getting what you want is easy. Choosing not to settle for those things is hard. Leaping and not acquiescing is hard. Figuring out a way to self-soothe without losing your mind or going crazy on some comfort food is hard. I’m finding ways to be nicer to myself; to think positive things about myself and actually believe them. One way is to stop trying to escape in inescapable. Another way is to get a dang haircut. The best way, though, is to chose freedom.