Some Really Good News and Talking About The Tough Stuff

parkFirst, the good news – I got a new job!

It was a long time coming. I’d been looking for about 6 months and applied to over 170 jobs. I learned a lot during this process but specifically found that it is really tough out there in the job market right now. It’s insanely competitive and, in a city like Boston, every job gets at least 100 unbelievably qualified applicants. Gone are the days of a one and done interview situation. In every application, cover letter, phone call, and interview you need to show that you are a unique individual that can make an incomparable contribution to the position. It was tough and took a lot of strength I didn’t think I had.

My decision to start a job search stemmed from three solid months of disrespect at a place where I thought I was supposed to feel nurtured and valued. It floored and devastated me. I don’t like to talk about work on my blog. I don’t think it’s appropriate and I don’t plan to say much more than what I’ve already said here but I do want to share other aspects of my experience.

photoThe blogosphere can be deceiving. It is real easy for me to post about great new recipes, quirky home projects, fun weekend trips, and make life seem shiny and perfect. The truth is, for the past 6 months, it’s been anything but. I’ve mentioned it vaguely in a few posts (here, here, here) but the truth is I’ve been struggling in a way I haven’t been able to say publicly or want people (other than my husband) to know about.

Depression is an awful thing to live with. If you’ve done it, you know. The past 6 months were real, overwhelming, despairing, unending. I can tell the different between having a bad day/week and what the past 6 months were like. I was in survival mode; dragging myself out of bed, somehow pulling it together, functioning just enough to get through the day, trudging home utterly exhausted (emotionally and physically), crashing almost immediately, and repeating. Every day. For 6 months. It was suffocating. It was hopeless. It was remarkably lonely. It took me away from the things I love in life, my health, my marriage, and myself. Depression can be such a shameful experience. You withdraw into your own private world where you can avoid judgment or the possibility of letting anyone else see how bad it’s gotten. You pull away from the people you love to avoid hurting them or dragging them down with you. I’ve avoided, and disassociated from, so many things in the last 6 months. I let this darkness swallow me whole. I didn’t know what else to do.

Blogging may have been the only thing that got me through. Using my posts as a way to force myself in to the kitchen or to the craft store or just out of my own neverending negative thoughts. It is the one and only normal thing I was able to hang on to; the only thing that kept me grounded. I can’t begin to say how grateful I am for it and for you for reading.

With the kind of fortitude that is only born of necessity, I was able to focus enough to land this new job that I am extremely excited about and proud of. It took everything I had but I forced myself to leap and not to acquiesce. I finally feel like I have my life back. That I’m in control. The door is wide open now and I can’t tell you how relieved and hopeful I feel.

Author: Domestocrat

I'm a lady who enjoys photography, football, cooking, long drives with the windows down, This American Life, kettlecorn, hot yoga, pop punk, my nephews, my cat Reggie, and my home: Boston.

38 thoughts

  1. Congrats on the new job, and I’m glad to hear things are looking up. I hope this job and life in general get things back on the track of feeling great about life and about you.

  2. it’s the worst feeling to be completely under-appreciated and powerless to break out of it. so happy for you, and I hope your new environment allows you to grow and feel satisfied with yourself and your work.


  3. Congratulations!

    And there’s a lot of depression in my family. I don’t personally suffer from it, but I’ve seen the effects of it and it’s awful. I understand what you went through. I’m glad you’re feeling better and if you ever want to talk, let me know.

  4. I just loved reading more about you today. What a great day. I received a job offer myself after almost a year of being out of work. I fell into a deep dark depression and have been digging myself out ever since. I’m so glad I came across your blog. I can’t wait to learn more about you and read more of your awesome posts!! Great job on landing the job. Keep your chin up because this is just the start of good things to come! :) xx

  5. I am so happy Kim is back! You are so talented, it’s about time you caught a break. You deserve it.

  6. I’ve battled with depression before and I know how hard that is. My heart goes out to you. I’m so proud of you for fighting back though out of a bad situation and turning it into a good one. I know the job hunt can be frustrating and grueling. Congrats on finding one that will make you happy and fulfilled!

  7. Thank you for being brave enough to voice a very important reality: that one’s blog presence doesn’t necessarily indicate what’s happening in one’s actual life. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been going through a difficult time, and I hope very much for you that a healthier work environment (congratulations!) will help keep you moving in a good direction.

  8. Congratulations, and thanks so much for posting this. It resonates with all sorts of things I don’t like to talk about online but am also going through. Good job at finding something new, and may this place appreciate you like you deserve!

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